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M Obama’s Brilliant Economic Recovery Plan

December 7, 2008

M Obama’s plan to “save or create” 2.5 million jobs (and the French Cowboy is betting his Liberty boots that he will “save” a bigger chunk of those 2.5 million than he will “create”) is probably the single most idiotic thing I have heard for a long time. And I read a highly concentrated source of idiocy – the newspaper – a lot.

So let’s go through the “five year” “five key parts” plan, shall we?

a “massive effort” to make public buildings more energy efficient.

Wow. That’s the sheer genius of the man who said in order to reduce our dependence on oil we have to inflate our tires. “Our government now pays the highest energy bill in the world.”- indeed, it is totally unacceptable that the biggest among the technologically advanced nations is using more energy than all the others.  Back in the good old days, when there was hardly as much as a radio in an American household, things were as they should be. No tanning beds in governors’ mansions then, Mme Palin!

I am wondering, though. The US is currently running a record deficit. Is this the time to make huge one-time payments for efforts which get amortised only over decades? (The exact length of the amortisation period depending on the actual development of energy prices which in turn depend much on M Obama’s policy decisions.) Why not rather make some spending cuts and reduce the government’s interest payments?

But if you really insist on employing people with tax payers’ money you can still consider to pay them to finally make those dilapidated Chicago housing projects that your friends have neglected to make a profit habitable for human beings. The people who live there can then save some of their welfare money that they would otherwise spend on makeshift heating devices made in China. And we know that you are a big “Buy American” guy, M Obama.

“[W]e will create millions of jobs by making the single largest new investment in our national infrastructure since the creation of the federal highway system in the 1950s.”

So the federal government is going to tell the states where to put their money. Because M Obama knows your cities better than you locals. And welcome back, Bridge to Nowhere! We hated you during the presidential campaign, but now you are going to rescue the economy!

“We’ll invest your precious tax dollars in new and smarter ways, and we’ll set a simple rule – use it or lose it. If a state doesn’t act quickly to invest in roads and bridges in their communities, they’ll lose the money.”

You hear that, California? You better use that money to redo some highways for your Prius cars instead of getting you out of bankruptcy. Don’t try anything funny or M Obama will take the money back and build some more bridges in Alaska!

Pay for energy-efficient school buildings and new computers in classrooms.

Funny, when someone buys a better computer than the one he already has then it is ‘saving or creating jobs’? The French Cowboy used to think that it would be, you know, like an expenditure.

I wonder why GM didn’t get credit for saving or creating jobs by investing into private jets for their managers.

“Here, in the country that invented the Internet, every child should have the chance to get online”

Let me guess: This will save or create jobs because teachers will be so happy that the kids can be kept busy with surfing the Internet that they go out for dinner in fancy restaurants which will then fire fewer/employ more waiters?

“In addition to connecting our libraries and schools to the Internet, we must also ensure that our hospitals are connected to each other through the Internet.”

Because… it will save or create jobs! Who cares about those totally silly and backward people who might just not want their medical records to be at the fingertips of some hacker. After all, setting up data banks so that all hospital staffers have to be taught how to use the electronic system instead of pen and paper is just the thing to do when you’re in an economic recession.

The French Cowboy has a suggestion for an additional “key point” (even though it will destroy the beauty of the odd number “five”). Why not pay people to dig holes so that you can pay even more people to fill them up again?

Actually, here’s another idea (so we can reach the magical number Seven): Pay people to build swimming pools and train dolphins in all public schools! Swimming with dolphins is a perfectly enchanting experience and to have our children do it on a regular basis is an investment in our future. Consider that it is unacceptable that the country that invented Sea World doesn’t have ‘Swimming with Dolphins’ classes. And just imagine how happy the teachers will be and how many waiters will not lose their jobs!

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