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An Alternative to Cardboard Groping Speech Writers

January 17, 2009

Thanks, Mary Katharine, for the link to this very useful site that allows you to generate your own inauguration speech in no time at all. While you read my version below, the French Cowboy will search the Internets (that one’s for you, President Bush – farewell!) for a “What does the inauguration mean to you” essay generator. Should I win the essay contest and get an invitation to the inauguration, I will sell it to the highest bidder like a good capitalist. Better rich than freezing in a line for porta-potties.

Barack Obama’s Inauguration Speech

My fellow Americans, today is a hopey day. You have shown the world that “ending the Iraq War” is not just another word for “retreat”, and that “wealth” is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually spread.

Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces unconditional and multilateral challenges like never before. Our economy is cynical. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for taxes. Our healthcare system is pro-life. If your pooch is sick and you don’t have insurance, you might as well call a senator. And America’s image overseas is tarnished like a soldier’s bracelet. But hoping together we can right this ship, and set a course for Chicago.

Finally, I must thank my changey family, my hopey campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank PETA for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of bitterly clinging to the American people. Without your hated efforts, none of this would have been possible.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. John in the desert permalink
    January 17, 2009 19:35

    Yup. that’s him.

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