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Spinning out of Control

January 24, 2010

If I were Robert Gibbs I’d quit my job. It’s one thing to spin Tim Turbo Tax Geithner into a suitable choice for Treasury, or to defend Janet Napolitano’s statement that “the system worked”, or to explain that nobody should take Joe Biden serious but that he’s also a valuable asset in the White House. But when the President himself keeps on trying to convince Americans that up is down and down is up, then eventually the fun of relativising and nuanceing is replaced by trying to turn the public into a schizophrenic horde and may well end up in Gibbs himself no longer being able to tell fact from anti-fact.

If you had to defend Obama’s ludicrous claim that the “same thing that swept Scott Brown into office swept me into office”, wouldn’t you fear for your mental sanity, too, and say: “Ça y est, Mr President! After the work I’ve done so far I had to already split into a total of 5 different personalities in order to reconcile all the contradicting ‘truths’ that I have to articulate on a daily basis. But there is only so much capacity in one mind to emulate parallel universes. And now with this ‘Massachusetts voted a Republican Senator who ran against my agenda into office because Massachusetts loves my agenda’ thing… ! Il y en a marre! I quit!”? Here is what Gibbs did instead. This White House clearly is no longer using enhanced interrogation techniques on logic, but pure torture.

I bet poor Gibbs has a spin-reflex that he can’t even switch off when sitting at the dinner table with his family.

Mme Gibbs: “Honey, please pass me the salt.”

M Gibbs: “This is not what the President has said. 43% of you disagree with the salt, so – just as the President has made clear in his address to Congress – here is the pepper.”

Mme Gibbs: “Honey, I really want the salt, not pepper.”

M Gibbs: “You are angry because of the same old salt – and understandably so, after what has taken place during the last eight years. So it is just another sign that the President is correct and concentrates exactly on what your mind is on: the book shelf.”

Mme Gibbs: “Look, Honey, could you just pass. Me. The. Salt. Please?”

M Gibbs: “Of course not. This is just something that this ‘Tea Party’ fringe-movement and pseudo-news outlets like Fox News have put out there to distract from the real issues which are the dish washer and the carpet. So what the President will do is give more speeches and explain everything in a way that even you can understand because he can see now that while he was focused on solving your salt, you just didn’t get it.”

Mme Gibbs [aside]: “Sigh. Maybe I should have married a Republican.”

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